Episode 5: Am I Just Believing in the God I Want?
One of the most common critiques I hear is that I’m just “making up God the way I want Him to be.”
And honestly? I get why people say that. If I dare to believe God might actually be more loving, more inclusive, more accepting than I was taught… it sounds like I’m just inventing a God of my own design.
But here’s the thing: believing in love doesn’t make faith easier. If anything, it’s made it harder, more humbling, and more costly.
In this episode of What I Do Believe, I take time to unpack that critique—naming the assumptions behind it and why they don’t hold up.
▶️ Listen to the Episode
🔑 Key Takeaways
Desire ≠ deception. Wanting God to be love doesn’t mean it’s false— it can actually make faith harder, not easier.
Everyone cherry-picks. The question isn’t whether we do it, but whether we do it in the direction of fear or in the direction of love.
Love is harder. It dismantles superiority, comparison, and control—forcing us to rebuild worth on grace.
“Shoulds” vs. “Coulds.” Faithfulness isn’t about measuring up to every “should” but about finding the practices that give life.
The slippery slope. Maybe it’s not falling away from God, but falling deeper into love.
📄 Full Transcript
📄 Full Transcript (click to expand)
[00:00:00] Welcome back everybody to the What I Do Believe podcast. This is a show where we talk about post deconstruction faith, and we are talking about what we do believe, trying to move away from making our lives and our faith and our thoughts and everything in between. All about reacting and criticizing.
What we don't believe anymore and the people who still do, let's move on. Let's focus on what we do believe. So thanks for joining. If you're new here, I appreciate it if you're a returning listener, I really, really appreciate it as well. So while this podcast is focused on what we do believe, and yes, letting go of criticisms and just moving on.[00:01:00]
I want sometimes to pause and not address criticisms that I have for other ways of believing and living out faith. But sometimes I think it's important to pause and address other people's criticisms of what I believe and maybe what people similar to me believe because, those criticisms are things that definitely can take up space in our mind and they can cause us to doubt a lot of things, question a lot of things, which of course I'm not against. However, I want us to be able to doubt and question from a good place, and it is always helpful. To, you know, be thoughtful about our criticisms of other people, but also other people's criticisms of us.
And so, uh, today I'm not criticizing anything else as much as, [00:02:00] uh, criticizing a criticism. And, uh, mostly my thoughts today are coming from some interactions I've had lately that are examples of. Honestly, interactions I've had a lot over the years and also just been told about. Um, and that's kind of where whenever I'm sharing with somebody where my faith has been heading, where it is now, the belief that God is more loving, more accepting, more inclusive than maybe I was taught to believe, um, you know, I can almost predict the response that I will probably get.
Um, the, the critical spon response, and it usually is something like this, it's something like, well, I'm just afraid that you're just making up God the way you want him to be. Um, you're, you're just choosing to believe in whatever kind of God you want to believe in. Uh, something along those lines. That's the, the feedback I hear a lot and that's definitely [00:03:00] falls into the category of the slippery slope that I was warned about a lot growing up.
Um, warning against, you know, picking and choosing which parts of the Bible you wanna listen to and which parts you don't, or, um, you know, that, that's definitely, uh, uh, a criticism that my camp used quite a bit to. Yeah. Uh, downplay other people's perspectives and not treat them as legitimate differing viewpoints, but to frame people as either, well, they're, they're dumb at best, or they're intentionally manipulative at, at worst.
Um, and so the, you know, the feedback I've been getting lately of, well, you know, well you're, you're just, you know, choosing to believe whatever you want, you're making up God, however you want him to be. Uh, maybe as the most recent. A version of that that I've encountered. Um, interestingly, on the other side of the argument growing up, I was definitely somebody who would fling that criticism at people.
But the [00:04:00] thinking behind this is that, you know, if I dare to believe that God might actually be bigger or kinder or more inclusive, um, or more loving or, you know, just, just trusting in God's love over focusing on, you know. Judgment or wrath or anything like that. Um, you know, those, those thoughts and, and moving in that direction, it's automatically labeled, uh, by, by people sometimes as dangerous.
Um, like I've, I've gone off the rails. Um, for a d. Couple different reasons. So in this episode, I just wanna slow down and talk about that critique. Maybe those of you who are moving in a similar direction to myself, uh, coming to believe that God is more loving, more inclusive, and not, uh, nearly as limited by the boundaries we've set up for him.
If you've encountered similar critique. Or heard people say similar things and you're not sure what to do [00:05:00] about those criticisms, you're not sure if they're legitimate, you're not sure how to respond. Um, this is an episode where I kind of want to. You know, slow down. Talk about that critique and, and name the assumptions behind it because I think once you see some of the assumptions behind a criticism like that, you'll realize, uh, at least from what I think, that, uh, they, they don't actually hold the weight that maybe the people using them think they do.
And again, this isn't about bashing anyone else's faith. Uh, this is about addressing a criticism that other people have, you know, given me. Um, so it's criticizing criticism maybe. Um, and it's also about encouraging you, you know, if you've been moving the same direction and hearing the same pushback, uh, I want you to know you're not alone.
You're not crazy for believing that God is love. Uh, beyond the limitations. Maybe you were taught to think. Are there, um, there's depth and freedom here. And I wanna help you, uh, hold onto it and respond to, um, [00:06:00] any thoughts or ideas that would Yeah. Maybe try to keep you from, from living in, in freedom. So I've got a couple big assumptions that I think are underlying a criticism like that.
Uh, the criticism that we're just choosing to believe in whatever God we want. So let's tackle them together one by one.
So the first assumption that I think is behind that criticism is that desire equals deception. Desire equals deception. So the first assumption is that if I want God to be love, you know, unconditional, uh, boundless love, then my desire for that itself must mean that it's false.
Um, it's like the very fact that that sounds like good news, uh, should, should be the proof that I've made it up. Um, but I mean, he pause and there and just think about [00:07:00] that for a second. I really think that's kind of crazy. Um, because the thing about it, when I, when I say that God is love of suspicion, kicks in instantly, you know, from other people and.
Of course, you know, I grew up in church all the time. God is love. God is love. We sing songs about God is love, but I'm talking about like actually believing it, you know, without the caveats, without the God is love, but he's also about, no, God is love for all people and, uh, God's love is more powerful than Hebrew, stubbornness, and God is more inclusive and more accepting and, you know, all that stuff.
That's really what I'm talking about. But whenever I start talking about that, the suspicion kicks in instantly. Um, like it's too good to be true. Uh, so it must be false. Um, or maybe it's not too good to be true. Maybe that sounds like a bad idea to some people. Um, because you know, that would mean God would welcome or accept other people that they don't like or that they judge, or that they criticize.
Um, but maybe they're thinking, oh, well [00:08:00] that's good news to them because they want to think that they can do whatever they want and have no consequence, or that God will love them without them having to change, or that way they won't have to confront people or blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Um, so anyways, just that, that idea, regardless of whether you think it's good news or not, um, suspicion kicks in.
But you know, whenever somebody says God is wrathful or judgmental or violent, you know, um.
And nobody accuses people who say those things of eventing a God to suit themselves. Um, so, uh, you know, I've never gotten in more trouble than when I dared to suggest that God is more loving than we thought. I've never had people get more mad at me, more suspicious of me, more frustrated with me sharing what I believe than what I dare to suggest, that God might be more loving than we thought, which I think is kind of interesting.
Um, it's interesting that we assume that bad news is more truth than good [00:09:00] news. And, you know, I, I touched on it a second ago, but I, I get the fear behind this in that, you know, people worry that if God is love, it means that there's no accountability. There's no consequence for wrongdoing or harm causing actions, and no difference between right and wrong.
And to that, I, I agree. There does need to be accountability and wrongdoing does have consequences and harm matters and can't be allowed to discontinue. But I think sometimes where people assume that, oh, well, you know, these other people who disagree with me, they, they just want a consequence free life.
They want everybody to do whatever they want. I think that's a misunderstanding .
Where people actually disagree is not that there is right and wrong, but on what right and wrong is and and who gets to decide.
Um, yeah, and that's where I disagree a lot of times. I agree. There needs to be consequences and accountability and. You know, there is right and wrong, but where I [00:10:00] disagree with a lot of folks is on what counts as right and wrong. Who decides what that is? And that makes people nervous, you know, and I already have received the criticism or response to you know, sharing thoughts like that.
And I imagine some people right now are thinking, oh no, Zach sounds like the, the serpent in the garden whispering, you know, did God really say, you know, did God, you know, he's, he's trying to get people to question or doubt what's clearly said is right and wrong, and.
Um, I mean, sure. I, yeah, sure. I, I want people to rethink their beliefs and, and ask good questions about what they believe, and I think questions on morality should be asked and should be thought out and should be considered.
But I'm not trying to get anybody to question or doubt what the Bible clearly says or what God clearly says though, because let's, I, I mean, this isn't the episode to. You know, dive into this too thoroughly, but I don't think the Bible clearly says much of anything. [00:11:00] You know, nearly as much as people claim it does.
Um, I mean, if you think the Bible clearly says something, it's because you're so embedded in a particular tradition of interpreting it. You're so embedded in a. You know, group of people who all agree with you that you just can't see the interpretive lenses you're looking through to get that clear assumption.
Um, you're, you're not seeing your own vantage point. Um, because the reality is for, so for every so-called, you know, timeless truth, there are verses we've also decided to ignore, uh, which means we're, we're all interpreting constantly. Interpreting scripture, interpreting tradition, uh, whether we admit it or not.
So anyways, um, I, I think you need to see that. Um, [00:12:00] but um,
Uh, I wanna push back on the assumption that, well, if you want God to be a certain way, that must mean you want that because you wanna be let off the hook. You wanna just believe whatever you want, so you don't have to have accountability. You know, the assumption that believing God is whatever you want him to be would just mean that your life would be easier and, um.
To that, I wanna say, if that's what you think I'm doing, um, you're actually wrong. Because my desire for God to be more loving than I ever thought, uh, it actually doesn't make my life easier. Um, desire has made my life harder. That desire, at least, because when I lean into it, uh, it, it forces me to surrender, certainty.
It forces me to surrender, superiority. It forces me to. You know, surrender control. Um, it forces me to let go of ways [00:13:00] of thinking about people and, you know, comparing people to my understanding of right and wrong and what's good and bad. You know, these, these systems that you know well, I follow these rules and I believe these things, so therefore I have worth and I'm right.
And these other people don't do that, so they have less worth. You know, God doesn't love them as much, or whatever the case may be, you know. Um, but whenever you, you know, let go of that and realize that God doesn't give a flying flip about the means we use to compare ourselves to other people and judge other people, and God sees everybody as, you know, equal recipients of his love, then that, you know, realizing that and choosing to believe that that forces you to step outside of the comparison.
A trap and step outside of, you know, the things you use to view yourself as better or worse than others, you know. And, uh, it forces you to start finding your worth from a different source and to trust a [00:14:00] deeper kind of worth, rooted in, in love. So, no, uh, desire isn't deception. Uh, desire can actually be holy.
Um, and I. I think that, uh, the real question is what does your desire produce? You know, does, does desiring god to be a certain way, does it lead you more towards love, joy, peace, freedom, uh, or does it lead you towards fear, control, and judgment? And I think that's the difference.
So the second assumption under the criticism, uh, is that some people are objective.
And that I'm cherry picking
that second assumption is that other people are simply believing the truth as it is, you know. Well, I'm the one cherry picking. Um, and I, I touched on this a, a minute ago, but the reality is we all [00:15:00] pick and choose. Everybody emphasizes some scriptures and ignores or downplays others. Um, everybody keeps some traditions and quietly lets go of others and everybody decides.
You know, what commands are timeless and, uh, which ones are cultural. And the way I know this, that everybody is doing this, whether they realize it or not, is that, uh, you know, I know that most Christians, that, at least the Christians that I know, they eat bacon. Um, they, they wear polyester blends. Uh, women wear jewelry, uh, which are all things clearly forbidden in scripture.
Uh, but those verses or those scriptures get, uh, interpreted as just cultural. Meanwhile, other passages are treated as eternal, untouchable truths. And who gets to decide where the line falls? How do we decide what's cultural and, and what's not? You know. Um, I don't think that's as clear sometimes as people want [00:16:00] it to be.
Um, so the point isn't that. You know, their objective, and I'm cherry picking. The point is that we're all cherry picking. Um, and so if you think you don't do that, you're just ignorant or blind to the way that you have been taught to do that. And so it's not, do you cherry pick it's, do you cherry pick well? That's the real question. Um, and this is where, you know, I, I wanna be a, a little blunt maybe. Um, I think. Too often people cherry pick in ways that preserve their power, privilege, and control. They will cherry pick in ways that emphasize overemphasize wrath and judgment passages and downplay radical forgiveness ones, and, uh, build a God who conveniently hates who they hate, and judges who they judge.
So I think one of the things you can do in response [00:17:00] to the, the criticism that we're talking about today is actually turn the criticism around. And maybe it's not me who's inventing God in my own image. Maybe it's you. Uh, maybe it's not me inventing God in my own image by believing that God is more loving or more inclusive, more accepting.
Maybe you're the one inventing God in your own image because your God's anger. And violence and exclusion look an awful lot like you, or at least what you're more comfortable with. Um, and I think history backs me up there. Um, if you look at history, violence and control have always been the easier and more popular way.
Uh, violence, control, exclusion, all of those things. But love and forgiveness and inclusion, that's the, uh, radical, narrow, harder road. So I admit it, yes, I cherry pick. Um, I emphasize love. I emphasize mercy, I emphasize forgiveness, and I reinterpret wrath [00:18:00] passages in light of Jesus's love. And I believe that's the better way to cherry pick, because at least I am aiming in the direction of faith, hope and love.
Um, and if you cherry pick in the direction of fear, anger, and control, I mean, you can do that. I just, um, you know, I hope that works out for you, but. I don't really think that's gonna work out for mostly anybody unless you're somebody on the top who's benefiting from gaining power. Um, from from that,
the next assumption behind the criticism is that that believing in love is the quote easy way out.
So this is the idea that if I believe in a god of love, it's because I've taken the easy way out. Um, you know, this idea that love is soft, it's sentimental, it's convenient, and it lets me off the hook from, you know, living in challenging ways or, you know, holding other people accountable or whatever. But I actually have found the opposite to [00:19:00] be true.
Um, I have found that believing in a wrathful God is a lot easier, like I've already talked about, than believing in a, a loving God. Um, in my experience, it is easier to believe. That only people like me are saved than it is to believe that God has love for everybody. Um, it's easier to bury myself under a mountain of shoulds and pretend that that makes me holy, and it's easier to predict, project my fears onto God, um, and call it truth.
But the reality is love is harder. Love forces me to confess that I'm no better or no worse than anyone else. Love forces me to stop comparing, to stop gatekeeping and stop justifying myself by excluding others. And love, uh, makes me rebuild my whole sense of, of worth. I'm not on outperforming other people.
Uh, but on the infinite, [00:20:00] uh, uh, yeah, the infinite, unconditional love of God, um, I don't think that that's easier. I think that that's humbling, that's dismantling and that that's costly.
So the next assumption is that, uh, faithfulness equals shoulds or doing the things you think that you should do. Um, you know, a lot of times this gets thrown around and just saying, you know, the word obedience, you know, which I don't think obedience. Is, uh, by itself a bad thing?
I think in a lot of ways we are called to obedience to a certain extent, but this gets, uh, thrown around and, and weaponized in ways that, encourage people to not, uh, think about the things that they're being asked and, uh, not to look at the results of doing these things.
Um, you know, you should do this. You, [00:21:00] you should pray this way. Believe this doctrine, attend this church, act this way. And for years, that's how I measured myself, um, by the, the shoulds, you know, the commands or whatever that, uh, actually, when I looked at the results of doing those things, they didn't bring me life.
Um, they weighed me down. They kept me anxious and worried about if I was doing it right or if I was enough. And what I've been discovering lately is that a lot of times the, you know, the practices or the things that become shoulds, they're not bad in and of themselves. Um, you know, some of them are, are pretty good, some of them are helpful, they're all coulds.
It's things that you could do. Um, and I still do a lot of them. But, uh, they're not the point insofar as they don't define my worth or my belonging, or they don't define, you know, uh, my status as saved or not saved or whatever. Um, [00:22:00] and when I let go of the need to measure myself by any of them, I actually find more freedom to love.
And now I am learning to see God in all kinds of other places where. I was told not to look in other traditions, other philosophies on people whose lives overflow with compassion, even if they don't share, uh, my particular beliefs. Um, and I don't think that's a shallow faith. I think that's deeper trust.
And though that's faith learning to walk in freedom, um, yeah. Faithfulness isn't about obeying every should. It's about living in love. And if the shoulds, uh, help me do that, you know, I'll use them as coulds. Right. But if they don't, I'm gonna let them go. And I don't think that's rebellion, and I think that's trust.
And the last assumption, uh, is that there, there's only one safe slope and that they're [00:23:00] on it. Um, and I mentioned the slippery slope at, at the front. Uh, this assumption that if you start rethinking God, you're sliding straight into hell. Yeah. but I think the truth is that, um, you know, of course, like any type of rethinking things yeah. You, it starts kinda slow and next thing you know, you've, you've slid further into a new way of thinking about things. And I don't think, you know, the sliding on a slope is a problem as much as what direction you are sliding is.
Um, sure I'm on a slope. Um, but I'm not sliding into apathy or selfishness. I'm not sliding into nihilism or despair. Um, I'm sliding out of fear. I'm sliding out of comparison. I'm sliding out of the crushing weight of all those shoulds I was just talking about. And I'm sliding deeper into freedom, deeper into trust, and deeper into faith, hope and love.
And if that's where the slope I'm on leads, then you know. Criticize it all you want, [00:24:00] but I'm personally glad to be on it because I trust my own experience. I trust the experience of moving in this direction and it, uh, producing good fruit in my life. Um, and I'm not gonna let other people's opinions cause me to doubt more so than I should what I am experiencing to be true, which is a lot of what systems of control do they get you to, they gaslight you into doubting your own experiences.
And trusting, uh, what, what they're saying over what you're, what you're genuinely experiencing. So, uh, if you've been told that you're just making up your own God because you believe God's love is wider than what you were told, or whatever your tradition is, what it allows, um, if you've been shamed for letting go of practices that only weighed you down, if you've been warned that you're on a slippery slope, then I hope you hear in this episode at the very least, that you're not alone.
Um, I hope you hear that. You don't have to carry every should that you were [00:25:00] handed, and you don't have to prove yourself or police others. Um, you don't have to live in fear of doing faith the wrong way. You are free. Um, you are free to seek God wherever love, peace, and hope breaks through and free to use what gives life and let go of what doesn't.
And you are free to trust that God is big enough to handle the rest. And, uh, that freedom probably isn't gonna make your faith easier or your life easier, but it is gonna make it better. And it doesn't make your life or your faith shallow, but it does make it more real. And if this is the slope that you're sliding down, then take courage.
I don't think you're falling away from God. I think you're falling deeper into love. So that's my criticisms of the criticism and uh, yeah, [00:26:00] I hope that's helpful. So thank you for listening to this episode of the What I Do Believe podcast. I really, really appreciate it, uh, and I hope that, uh, you are helped and encouraged by it.
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Feel free to go there to see all of the episodes and past posts and news about what I am up to. So thank you for listening. Thank you for being with me on [00:27:00] this journey. Take care and I'll see you next time.
