Episode 4: There's No Proof God Exists. But I Still Believe in God Because I Want To
Is there proof that God exists? No.
Is there proof that God doesn’t exist? Also no.
So what do you do with that?
In this episode of What I Do Believe, I talk about why the reason I still believe in God comes down to one thing: because I want to.
Rather than chase certainty or airtight arguments, I’ve found freedom in admitting that belief isn’t about being right—it’s about desire, trust, and the kind of story I want to live. I don’t believe in a God who looks like pop-Christianity’s mascot. I believe in a God who looks like Jesus: present in humanity, healing, and making all things new.
I also share how my prayer life has shifted over time. These days, prayer isn’t about talking at God but paying attention—being present to myself so I can notice how God is present to me.
▶️ Listen to the Episode
🔑 Key Takeaways
Proof isn’t possible either way—belief is rooted in desire.
Faith isn’t about “being right” but about openness and trust.
Wanting God to be like Jesus means facing both comfort and challenge.
Prayer can be less about words and more about presence.
📚 Links & Resources
📄 Full Transcript (click to expand)
[00:00:00]
welcome back to What I Do Believe podcast about letting go of criticisms and frustrations and anger about what we don't believe anymore, and the people who still do believe those things and instead turn towards healing, turn towards hope, and turn towards focusing on what we actually do believe. My name is Zach. Thanks for joining. Glad you're here and I think what I wanna talk about today is that there's probably only one major reason that I still believe in God these days. I mean, there's, um, there's probably a bunch of reasons, some deep reasons, philosophical, emotional reasons.
But the one that really keeps me holding onto faith these days, and the one [00:01:00] that I keep coming back to is this. I believe in God because I want to, uh, that's the main, that's the main reason I believe in God, because I want to, and, and honestly, that is, um, that's what keeps me holding on.
There's all this pressure. Especially if you grew up in, you know, certain circles, to have the right answers and certainty and to be explained and prove what you believe and defend the faith and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Give the reason for that hope that is within you. You know, that Bible verse, whatever. Um, but, uh, I don't have a bulletproof argument and I'm not too concerned about that.
I'm not even trying to have one anymore. Um, what I do have is desire. Um, like I, I, I believe in God [00:02:00] and maybe I'm able to believe in God because I want there to be a God. I want there to be love behind everything. I want there to be meaning. I want there to be purpose. I want there to be a higher power. I want there to be love that I come from and love that I'm going to and love, that's everywhere. And that holds me and doesn't go anywhere. And that's true, you know, everywhere. Um, and my understanding from human psychology is that, uh, everybody else wants that too. In fact, it's pretty important in order to, uh, have, you know, a good sense of, uh ability to be mentally healthy is to have a sense of purpose and be a part of something bigger than yourself. So whether you would argue that that need to be a part of that comes from God, or you know, we've just been culturally conditioned [00:03:00] to need that psychologically because that's the way things have been so long.
I, I don't really care. The point being nihilism is not good for me. And I want to believe that God is real, God is there and that everything's gonna be okay because of that. But let's be real. I mean, well, I don't know. Maybe the billboards would disagree with what I'm about to say and certain people would disagree without, with what I'm about to say.
But um, I think if we're honest, there really is no proof either way. Uh, no proof. I can't prove to you that God exists. I can't. And so I'm not gonna waste my time trying to do it, and nobody else can prove to me that God doesn't exist. At least no proof that is compelling enough to, you know, just absolutely prove the truth of it.
I mean, there's evidence. Uh, sure. I, I see that [00:04:00] billboard all the time. There is evidence for God, you know, and yeah, sure. There, there, there's evidence. There's lots of it. There's also evidence against God, uh, especially depending on, you know, the, the arguments that are being made. There's a lot of counter evidence against some of the, you know, arguments being made.
But, uh, the point is that, um, I don't, I don't think you can prove it. I don't think you can disprove it. So how do you know? Well, I think it's whichever one that you wanna believe, that's probably what you're gonna find. Uh, that's called confirmation bias. Um, whichever side your bias leans toward, that's probably gonna be where you are gonna land.
And I honestly don't think God is going to force anybody to see beyond their bias, uh, at least on this side of the dirt. And maybe that feels like a cop out or kind of a weak place to be for some [00:05:00] of us. But, uh, for me it's very freeing because, like I've been talking about for a long time, it means this whole thing isn't about certainty.
Um, and believing the right things, which is honestly such a fascinating idea to me. You know, if you're a part of a belief system that says, your salvation is dependent on you believing the right things. You have to believe the right things to be saved. Then when you think about it, your faith really isn't in God.
It's in your ability to be correct about God and to think correctly about God. Your faith is in your own intellectual ability or your own willingness to accept it. It it's really not in God anyways. Um, but anyways, it's not about any of that. It is about openness. It's about what you're, what you're open to, what you're willing to be shaped by, and um, what you're open to finding out, and maybe what you're hoping to find out and hoping to discover.[00:06:00]
And when it comes to what I'm hoping for, um, I'm hoping that God is like Jesus. It's what I've experienced to be true so far. And I still want that to be true. Um, not a God that's like modern American pop culture Christianity in the political mascot, um, I am interested not in a God who is like most forms of Christianity that I see, but a God who is like Jesus. Um, the Jesus who heals, who tells stories, who is, is with people, the Jesus who is, uh, more human than a lot of times we're willing to, you know, pay attention to. Uh, which if that's the case, if Jesus is more human than often we're willing to consider and also fully God, then that tells us a lot, uh, about where God really lives.
It means that God can be fully [00:07:00] present within humanity. And I think that's part of what I find so compelling about the Christian story is that, uh, God is found most fully. Uh, in the mundane, in the every day, uh, you know, to consider that the fullness of God was in Jesus. I think it encourages us to consider that we will find the fullness of God in our lives and our own incarnation, uh, in our own bodies, in our own lives and our own interior lives.
Um, so, you know, that's definitely not a thought that I had in Christian circles growing up. Uh, it's definitely not necessarily the main point of the incarnation that was given to me, but especially in the last couple years, it has become one of the most powerful and important implications of the Christian story is that if God is fully present in [00:08:00] the, the fully human experience of Jesus, then, then that's where God is present, uh, and me and my full human experience.
Um, but anyways, that's the God that I, I wanna believe in. It's what I wanna believe. And so I do, uh, it's what I choose to believe, especially since, uh, nothing else can be, be proven either way.
And I'll take a quick second here to just speak to what I know is a common criticism or maybe a, a retort to what I was just saying. And it's, uh, kind of the slippery slope that I was warned against my whole life, which is the dangers of just, you know, taking parts of the Bible that you like, leaving parts out and just making God in your own image and, and deciding to, you know, just only, you know, worship or follow God as as you want God to be.
And, and yeah, I can definitely see how what I'm saying could be [00:09:00] misconstrued in that way. But I, I don't really see it as me saying, well, I want God to be this way and that way. And, um, so that's just what I'm gonna choose to believe. I'm not talking about believing in a God that is in alignment with my lesser desires or maybe the, the things that I want that are more connected to my false self.
And I, I'm, I'm talking about wanting to believe that God really is love, uh, for all people and that God really is working actively to make all things new. And yes, I wanna believe that.
I choose to believe that. But also there are some things about that that challenge me. There are things about that, that are difficult to accept and things about that, that call me to rethink a lot of things and, and live differently. And so again, I don't [00:10:00] think you can just dismiss what I'm saying by, by saying, oh, well he just, you know, choosing to believe in whatever God he wants.
And no, it, it's really not that simple. It's bigger than that. Um, there's a lot of discomforting things about that and challenges and. And things that are, are challenging there.
So I, I still believe, and I still pray, and, uh, I still pray because I still believe, but as my beliefs have changed, um, you know, the, the way I pray changes as well.
Um, I was thinking about this lately. I really don't. When I pray, I really don't talk much anymore at all. I mean, definitely not out loud, but also like I'm not, you know, in within my mind just speaking words or making sentences and kind of sending those, you know, mental emails up to God. Um, I, I don't really do that anymore, and that wasn't by conscious choice.
It just kind of slowly stopped [00:11:00] happening over time. I, I don't feel the need to narrate my thoughts to God, like I'm, you know, writing a letter or, or just speaking or anything like that. Um, prayer mostly for me is just, uh, paying attention now. It's either sitting and listening or it's, you know, paying attention to my interior life and what's going on in me and around me as I'm out and about and doing things.
Um, I notice what's happening in me. I notice my thoughts, my emotions, my longings, and I just offer that to God. Um, just, you know, just, just trust that whatever I'm experiencing, you know, God, God is with me in that. And that awareness, uh, kind of sanctifies those experiences, it kind of makes them, uh, mean a little bit more than if I was having them without the awareness, uh, of God's presence in them.
Um, you know, I, I'll just say it for me. God doesn't need me to talk so much. Uh, maybe he doesn't need [00:12:00] anybody else to, like I said last episode, I'm really not trying to tell other people what to do or how to think, but I do think it's possible that a lot of people need to learn to just shut up.
I mean, sometimes when somebody prays. You know, and especially in like a church gathering or something like that, it's like a Ted Talk for God or something like that. You know, when people just get up there and they wanna say, Lord, we know this and we know that, and your word says this. You know, it's like they're, I'm sure God gets really tired of us telling him who we think he is and, and what we think he's up to, you know, uh, especially when we're wrong, like we probably are most of the time.
Um, and I just think. I dunno, I just think maybe we should just be quiet. Um, stop, stop telling God who we think he is and what we want him to be up to. And it's almost like if we say it enough times in prayer, then that makes it true. And, um, just be, be [00:13:00] quiet and just pay attention to, to what God is doing and, um, just, just let God reveal those things.
Let God speak maybe. Um, and so I think that's why I don't use a lot of words in prayer anymore. Um, because prayer has especially lately become not so much about communicating information, um, as much as it's just about connection. It's about union, um, awareness of, of presence. So yeah, I still believe in God because I want to, and therefore I.
I still pray because I want to, and there might be some interesting thoughts on, on this episode on both sides of the aisle. You know, the skeptics are gonna have problems with what I say and, you know, firm believers are gonna have problems with what I just said here mostly 'cause I'm unwilling to fully join either of their [00:14:00] camps.
But, um, I really think that's, that's where it is. I think that's the way, um, it's where I live. And if you're somewhere in the same boat, if you're not sure what you believe, but you're choosing to hold onto some things, if you're, if you still wanna believe, uh, if you want there to be a God, then that might be just all you need in order to pray and, uh, to just get in touch with your true self and be present with your true self.
And try to notice how you being present to yourself opens up the opportunity for you to notice how God is present to you. Uh, as well. So, uh, maybe, maybe that's all you gotta do. So pray even though you don't know how, and even if you're not sure what you believe, just sit, be still and, uh, and see what happens.
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